Previously on Doctor Who:
Rory, Amy and the Doctor got trapped in a scary doll’s house, then they escaped. Get some hot TARDIS action now, or click to read Whocaps for episodes 8 and 9.

















My Verdict:
★★★
I loved how quickly the gang’s fun trip turned nasty, and it was good to see that deliciously dark side of the Doctor again. Fantastically acted too, but I just don’t especially enjoy the deeply emotional episodes. I know I’m in the minority, though, so feel free to leap in and tell me I’m nuts. Also: poor, forgotten baby Melody!

The Boy’s Verdict:
★★★
Fun, but I miss the cleverness, wit and wackiness of earlier episodes.


Did you enjoy the episode? Do you secretly wish they’d chosen kick-ass Old Amy instead of boring Young Amy? Leave a comment below! If you like stupid charts and Who-related things, you can follow me on Twitter.

Contains spoilers for the current series of Doctor Who

Previously on Doctor Who:
Amy’s baby turned out to be big-haired space vixen River Song and everyone was like 0_o. But you don’t have to worry about that right now. Read last week’s half-assed Whocap Lite, or watch the episode now. Go on; it’s called ‘Let’s Kill Hitler’!

Abnormally well-lit tower block, exterior

Hoodies! Oh, they’re just playing football. As you were.

OLD LADY: I’m old you know. And belligerent.

Cosy flat, George’s room

George is just the cutest little moppet ever. I want to put him in a shoebox and feed him milk-soaked bread. That’s normal, right?

GEORGE’S MUM: Night George! BTW, I’ve put all the deformed manifestations of your darkest fears in this flimsy-looking cupboard, so there’s nothing to be afraid of.

GEORGE: ...

TARDIS interior

Amy and Rory are really missing their child standing around drinking tea.

DOCTOR: Incoming! Apparently children everywhere were bored senseless by last week’s episode. It is now our solemn duty to scare the wee-wee right out of ‘em.

AMY and RORY: *yawn*

CREDITS

Abnormally well-lit tower block, exterior

AMY: *is world’s most jaded time traveller*

RORY: What happened to my Action Man hairdo? Continuity fail.

DOCTOR: Come on team, the under-tens won’t psychologically damage themselves, you know.

AMY: Excellent. You go on ahead, we’ll get the lift. DOWN ONE FLOOR.

VIEWERS: Idiots.

Transdimensional lift of doom

LIFT: *falls*

AMY and RORY: *panic*

Cosy flat, hallway

The Doctor knocks at the door, which is opened by George’s slack-jawed but kindly father Alex.

DOCTOR: Hello, may I come in?

ALEX: You from Sowcial Services?

DOCTOR: Er, okay.

ALEX: Roight this way, our moppet’s on the blink.

Abnormally well-lit tower block, exterior

OLD LADY: Pfft, look at this massive pile of binbags. There’s no such place as ‘away’, you know! #recycleMOAR

PILE OF BINBAGS: *ladychomp*

OLD LADY: *slipperflail*

Cosy flat, living room

ALEX: E’s scared of everyfink! We’re finkin’ of sendin’ ‘im away.

DOCTOR: Pants! By which I mean ‘What a very real and serious problem’.

A creepy old house

Amy and Rory awake in the dark.

RORY: OMG, are we at Dyrham Park?

ME: I THINK YOU MIGHT BE! Remains of the Day was filmed there, you know.

A GIANT EYE: Hello!

EVERYONE: Argh!

A GIANT EYE: Bye then.

SCARY SHADOW: *lurks*

Cosy flat, George’s room

DOCTOR: Now then, George, let’s have a look at your Cupboard of Doom.

ALEX: We put everyfink that scares ‘im in there. Scary pictures, glass eyes, peg dolls; just yer usual, everyday stuff.

DOCTOR: Yeah, what you’ve created here is a massive shuddering box of evil that’s going to kill us all.

GEORGE: *gibbers*

LANDLORD GUY: *enters* Also, where’s my bloody rent?

BERNARD DOG: *is amazing*

A creepy old house

AMY: I’m going to save us all a lot of time by concluding that we’re either really small in a normal doll’s house, or normal-sized in a massive doll’s house. Either way, we’re screwed.

RORY: I shall accept this information with nary a flicker of surprise.

WORLD’S MOST FRIGHTENING DOLL: Surprise!

URINE: *flows freely*

Landlord guy’s flat

CARPET: *slorp*

LANDLORD GUY: *sinks*

BERNARD DOG: *is ZOMG adorabubble snorglebuns!!1!eleventy!*

Cosy flat, George’s room

DOCTOR: Upon further inspection, this cupboard looks pretty normal. Ah well, panic over.

ALEX: ‘Ang on. Now I fink about it, George might be an alien interloper with the ability to make our worst nightmares flesh.

GEORGE: But to be fair, I’m still a total moppet.

CUPBOARD OF DOOM: Roaaaaar! *swallows the Doctor and Alex*

A creepy old house

Rory and Amy are creeping around with a wooden saucepan. Landlord guy runs up, scared out of his wits.

LANDLORD GUY: Help me!

HORRIBLE DOLLS: *pounce*

LANDLORD GUY: *morphs into a Horrible Doll*

RORY: Aaaaargh!

AMY: I guess we’d better run away or whatever.

A creepy old house, drawing room

The Doctor and Alex awake.

DOCTOR: So yeah, we’re totally in the doll’s house in George’s cupboard. Try not to panic.

ALEX: *panics*

A creepy old house, some other room

Amy and Rory are trapped in a room with Horrible Dolls hammering at the door and singing in eerie toddler voices.

RORY: Escape plan?

AMY: I propose violence.

RORY: Or we could mop them to death.

HORRIBLE DOLLS: Ooh it gets daaaaark, it gets lonelyyy! On the other siiiide from you!

GLOCKENSPIEL: *jaunty solo*

AMY: Let’s just run for it!

AMY and RORY: *run*

HORRIBLE DOLLS: *catch Amy and turn her into a Horrible Doll*

RORY: That could’ve gone better.

A creepy old house, drawing room

Loads of Horrible Dolls descend on the Doctor and Alex. They try to fend the Dolls off with a massive pair of zig-zag scissors; shout out to the craft mag massive!

DOCTOR: This seems like a great time to confirm that your son is definitely an alien.

ALEX: No way!

HORRIBLE DOLLS: Bad dreams in the niiiiiight!

DOCTOR: Also, this entire scenario is your fault, in some weird way that might be a metaphor for stress-induced mental illness.

ALEX: *snippety snip*

CRAFT MAG MASSIVE: Reckon those are Fiskars?

Cosy flat, George’s room

George is just sitting there, listening to the drama playing out in the cupboard. Get with it, George!

A creepy old house, grand staircase

Oh look, Rory’s here.

RORY: *moppy-mop-mop*

ALEX: *snip*

DOCTOR: George, this is all in your head, sort it out immediately. Look at the state of Amy!

AMY DOLL: *looks marginally more cheerful than normal Amy*

GEORGE: *turns up*

EVERYONE: Yay!

But wait, the Horrible Dolls start coming after George. He’s being consumed by his own neuroses; how very 2011.

ALEX: George, stop this and we can all go back to normal. Don’t worry about bein’ a freakish, shape-shiftin’, alien cuckoo-child. I still love you in the most Cockney way possible!

EVERYTHING: *goes flashy*

Tower block, daylight edition, exterior

PILE OF BINBAGS: *ladybarf*

OLD LADY: How undignified.

Lift of normality

AMY: Hey, remember when we had a baby that time I was a doll?

RORY: Yeah.

Landlord guy’s flat

LANDLORD GUY: I love you, Bernard Dog.

BERNARD DOG: *doggykiss*

Cosy flat, kitchen

GEORGE’S MUM: My role in this episode was disappointingly small.

DOCTOR: Oh hi. I totally fixed your kid.

GEORGE: Whee! Yippee! Etc!

GEORGE’S MUM: Seriously. I’ve had like, three lines.

ALEX: Doctor, should we be worried about George being from another galaxy?

DOCTOR: Nah. Just enjoy your breakfast.

KIPPERS:

TARDIS interior

DOCTOR: Well, that was quite an adventure. Let’s just fly around and try not to get into any trouble for a while.

AMY and RORY: Aces.

COMPUTER: You are still totally going to die soon then now sometime.

CREDITS

My Verdict:
★★★★
Loved it! Properly creepy monsters, plenty of running around and lots of funny lines from the Doctor. Hooray! I read that these episodes are being aired in a weird order, which I guess accounts for the total lack of concern for poor old Baby Melody.

Did you enjoy the episode? Would you pay good money for a whiff of Rory’s old gilet? Leave a comment below! For a Whocap heads-up, you can also follow me on Twitter.